Halfway Home

So as of Valentine's Day, I've completed 24 of the 48 weeks that I will spend in Peru. Pretty crazy. Sometimes I feel like the time has really flown by. Other times I think "wow, so that means I still have ANOTHER 24 weeks?!"

But right now, halfway done seems just about right. I am content here in Lima. I'm not sure if I can say that living and working here has "met my expectations" or not. I feel like I didn't come in with too many expectations. I definitely didn't expect to be living in such a comfortable or modern home, which although this has posed some unique challenges for me in terms of how I want to spend my time, has also been a pleasant surprise. I wasn't expecting to still be struggling as much as I am with Spanish at this point. I also expected my work placements to be a little more organized than they are. Especially with Compassion, there's just not hardly any order or structure as to what I'm "supposed" to do, or what exactly they would like me to do. But I'm starting to take some more initiative and figuring it out.

OK, I just now thought of a much better way to do this. One of the first blog entries I posted was right before orientation, when I wrote down some of my hopes, fears and expectations going into the year. So I'm going to copy and paste it below, and let you know which of those hopes, fears and expectations have panned out and which haven't.

I’m excited to leave a culture in which you’re defined by what you consume and what you do.

Ok, this is definitely false. This might be true among the rural, more indigenous communities of Peru, but in Lima, I would say that people are even MORE defined (if that's possible; or "just as defined) by what they consume than they are back home. Cell phones, computers, name brand clothes -- all of these are important "status symbols" among the people in the area of Lima where I live.

I hope to enter a culture in which you’re defined by who you are.

This, in some ways, is true. I think it's because the concept of the "family" is so much stronger here. And my neighborhood, Santa Isabel, is actually a tight-knit community in some ways. And no matter what I do personally, I will ALWAYS be defined first and foremost as a "gringo." For better or for worse.

I’m excited about becoming fluent in Spanish.

I'm still excited about this. "Fluent" is an interesting word, because there's no real fine line that separates "fluent" from "not fluent." I have accepted that there's no way for me to be able to speak Spanish as well as I speak English, especially after only a year of living in a Spanish-speaking country. Like, I said, I originally hoped I would be a better Spanish speaker by now. But when I think about the fact that I'm only halfway done with my time here, I'm pretty sure I could call myself "fluent" by the time I'm done.

I’m excited about learning how to live simply.

This is another interesting statement. I think I am living simply, especially if "simply" means reducing my environmental footprint. I take public transportation or walk everywhere. Even though I still use a washing machine to wash my clothes, I dry them on a clothesline. My food is all fresh and local. But on the other hand, I've actually become MORE technologically savvy since coming to Peru: with skype, blogs and digital cameras/camcorders.

I’m excited about not feeling pressure to work, produce and accomplish individual accolades.

This is 100% true. And it's awesome. This excitement was definitely something held over from feeling burnt-out at the end of college. And whenever I get stressed about doing anything there, for whatever reason, I remind myself that I'm not expected (nor is it my job) to "produce" anything wonderful, magnificent or life-changing.

I’m excited about teaching people and learning from them at the same time.

This is another valid thing for me to have been excited about. Even though I haven't had too much success with my English classes, ocassionally they are very rewarding. And overall, just from my conversations with people, I would say I've done a lot of both learning and teaching.

I’m excited about gaining fresh perspectives on God, life, values and economics.

I'm not sure what specific type of "economic perspectives" I was thinking of when I wrote this, but I'd say this has happend as well. I plan on writing more about this in a separate entry.

I’m excited about learning how to trust God to take care of things I usually try to control myself.

This is something I probably need to continue working on. But putting everything in God's hands is definitely what I remind myself to do whenever I have one of those moments when I realize that I'm basically living on my own, away from friends and family, within a different language, culture, and socio-economic context.

I’m excited about becoming part of a new family.

I would never have guessed that I'd become a part of TWO new families. Which has made me "doubly blessed" in a lot of ways.

I’m excited about experiencing love and grace.

I probably won't ever know or understand how much love and grace the people who I live and work with here in Lima, not to mention God, have afforded me.

I’m excited about having plenty of time to read, write, pray and think.

Definitely true as well. And over the past week or so, I've actually done a good job with my commitment to do more of these things, and spend less time on the internet.

I’m excited about meeting people who are open to fresh ideas and listening to my thoughts and dreams.

Again, this expectation has most certainly been met.

I’m excited about defying people’s stereotypes about white people from the US.

I really hope I defy stereotypes about white, male North Americans. But I don't think I can ever really know for sure.

I’m excited about not “needing” a car.

Amen.

I’m excited about leaving a political climate that hurts and divides people.

I wrote this, obviously, during the election season. I was truly amazed and touched by the election of Barack Obama. It was awesome. From my perspective, it really did seem to unite people, at least for awhile (from what I understand, much of that unity has already eroded over the stimulus bill arguments). And Lima was an interesting place to witness all of the election happenings, which I'll never forget. Also - there's definitely plenty of divisive politics here in Peru.

I’m excited about leaving a culture obsessed with achievement, money, work and appearance.

Wrong. Again, US cultural imperialism has made this obsession even stronger among people in Lima, sad to say.

I’m excited about discovering who I am and becoming who God created me to be.

Probably the most important item in this list. And I'm still excited, because I'm still discovering and growing - even though the year is halfway over, I feel like THIS process has really just begun.

I’m scared that my year of service won’t live up to my high hopes and expectations about personal transformation.

Haha, well this is an awkward one to evaluate now, isn't it? So far, I think my hopes and expectations have been or are being fulfilled.

I’m scared about being asked to pray out loud in Spanish.

This still scares me, ocassionally. But I'm over it. I've definitely prayed some short, weird, grammatically incorrect and/or unintelligble prayers though. Oh well.

I’m scared about leading bible studies and teaching children’s Sunday school in Spanish.

Actually, I haven't done too much sunday school teaching yet. I'm still scared about that. But not nearly as much as I was. I do alright.

I’m scared that I have no clue how to teach English.

This is definitely true. I'm learning as I go.

I’m scared of culture shock.

Another legitimate fear. But I eventually dealt with it.

I’m scared of feeling utterly alone in a house filled with seven people and in a city of 8 million.

This is also true. The internet helps.

I’m sad about leaving my friends and family.

And I still miss them.

I’m scared about being bored.

I'm bored a lot, but it's nothing to be scared of. I'm working on creating more productive, mind-stimulating ways to not be bored, though.

I’m scared about being/thinking differently than my conservative evangelical brothers and sisters in the Presbyterian Church in South America.

Yep. This frustration/fear isn't going away any time soon. But I"ve learned a lot from being immersed among different perspectives.

I’m scared I’ll be tempted to come home.

Not yet.

I’m scared about being robbed.

Haha, 100% legitimate. It could have been worse.

I’m scared about getting hurt or sick.

This still scares me some times. But I've been very, very lucky so far. Then again, getting hurt or sick probably isn't any less likely to happen to me in the US. It would just be more complicated here.

I’m scared about becoming transformed.

Nothing to be scared about. I think I wrote this because I was pretty satisfied and happy with who I was and what I believed in before I left. Now that I've been 'transformed' a little bit, and am still being transformed, I'm still pretty satisfied and happy with the person I was before I left, and with the person I am now, too.

I’m scared I won’t live up to the expectations of the churches in Lima.

This was a silly thing to say.

I’m sad and frustrated about having to pay for drinking water.

That's still frustrating. Leslie has a purifying system that she brought with her that allows her to drink water out of the tap. I'm jealous.

I’m scared that I might confirm people’s stereotypes about people from the U.S.

I've definitely confirmed plenty of stereotypes. But what can I do about it now?

I’m scared I won’t make a difference.

Another silly thing to say. It would be impossible for me to come here and NOT make a difference. As David Lamotte says, there's a difference between wanting to change the world and wanting to FIX the world. It's not like we're going to wake up one morning and the newspaper will say "World Fixed; Let's all go to the beach!" You can't live in the world WITHOUT changing the world, the question is whether you will change the world for better or for worse.

I’m scared about getting angry at the world and at my country.

Yet another silly thing to say.

I’m scared (sort of) that my host family won’t be that different after all (wealth, comforts, technology).

A silly thing to be scared of, but it's true - I've got a lot of the same comforts and technology here that I had back at home. Which is ok.

I’m scared I packed too much.

Hahaha. Actually, I think I packed just about right.

Yesterday, I think I finally realized (realistically) what leaving Peru is going to be like. Up until now, I hadn't really thought about leaving in any other way besides predicting how excited I will be to go back to friends and family (as well as all of the foods I'm missing). But yesterday, I realized how attached I've gotten to this place. My host family is amazing (both of them: Javier, Raquel et al and my original host family, who I still visit at least once a week). I'm speaking Spanish much better. I know how to get around. I can tolerate all of the food, and I actually enjoy a couple of them. For the most part, I've really started to find a niche and get into a rhythm at my work placements. And between playing soccer with kids in the neighborhood and attending the worship service for high schoolers and young adults at Km 13, I'm starting to get to know and make friends with people my age. So right now, at least, I'm content.

Oh, and for those of you wondering how my singing went: it went fine. Nobody pointed and laughed. Javier told me (sincerely I think) afterwards that I did a good job. So we'll see if they ask me to do it again next week.