Beginning Again

Things have changed in the past month. Most importantly, I am now living with a new host family. For reasons that I don't feel comfortable discussing on a public blog, I had to leave the family of Daniela, Juan Carlos, Giulia, Juan, Damaris and Dayra. It was an extremely difficult decision to make, but now I am finally at peace with it. I'm happy to be living with my new host family, who are members of Santa Isabel Church. I live on the second floor of a 2-story house with my host parents Javier and Raquel. It still feels strange to call them host "parents" because they actually don't have any biological children, and they're barely 10 years older than I am. Javier and Raquel got married about 1 1/2 years ago, and Raquel is now 3 months pregnant, so before I finish my placement here I will have a new baby host "sibling!" The rest of the family, Blanca, Roberto, Kelli and Manuelito, live downstairs. Blanca is Javier's mother - she's very warm, friendly and animated, not to mention a great cook. Roberto, Javier's brother, is a huge Beatles fan and probably knows more about US culture, arts and politics than I do. His wife, Keli, is quiet and stays busy at home as a full-time mom, taking care of her and Roberto's 3 month old son Manuelito, who's the cutest, chubbiest baby I think I've ever seen.

One of the hardest parts about switching host families has been the fact that my new host family is definitely much more
"well off" than my old one. In my new home I actually have an internet connection in my room (which maybe I shouldn't have shared -- now you know that I have no excuse for not keeping in touch...), as well as a cable TV and DVD player. And not to mention I have hot water for showers! (Even if it is one of those electric heaters that warms the water up right as it's coming out of the shower head. Which I luckily haven't been shocked by, yet...) The reason I say having all of these familiar comforts is one of the "hardest" parts about staying with my host family is that I expected my YAV year to be all about the challenge of living simply, like the majority of the world does, without modern distractions like the internet and cable TV. I basically just felt like living here, with my new host family, wouldn't be "hardcore" enough, like it's against the principles of the YAV program. I mean, that's what we're trying to get AWAY from for a year, right? I didn't want to get sucked back into my old college habits of wasting countless hours with internet and TV.

But as my fellow Peru YAV Sean says, the YAV program is not about "martyring yourself." It's not a hardcore contest. I've realized that my guilt over not living in a mud hut without electricity or running water speaks volumes to my own extremely western/privileged attitude towards the whole experience. I mean, how "cool" would I be when I came back and told all my friends that I spent a year taking cold showers while living in poverty in South America? I definitely didn't realize how much I had been romanticizing the "idea" of living simply. And now that I'm complaining about being in a more comfortable situation, what will everyone's response be? "Oh poor Alex" they'll say "his noble ideals are being challenged because he has to suffer through another year of having access to cable television and the world-wide web at his fingertips."

I obviously haven't discussed any of these issues with people here in Peru. I somehow think they would have a hard time understanding why I would WANT to live in the most miserable, impoverished situation possible. It's not going to help me rack up "cool" points with them like I was secretly hoping it would with my fellow white, middle class American liberal Christian friends. Without even realizing it, in my self-righteous crusade to try and understand the way the "rest of the world" thinks, feels and lives I developed attitude that would probably leave those same people utterly dumbfounded.

OK, now that I've sufficiently bashed my old way of thinking, I'm going to take a moment to justify the initial aversion I had to my old living situation. Because I've been missing my friends, family, old habits etc so much during the past couple months, I think being able to get on the 'net 24 hours a day creates a significant obstacle to forming genuine, meaningful relationships with my friends, partners, family, "brothers and sisters in Christ" or whatever you want to call the people around me here in Peru. Instead of spending time talking, laughing, learning and growing with my host family, it's all to easy to retreat to my room, close the door, and be virtually transported back to my US life in an instant with email, instant messenger, blogs, skype phone calls, world news ticker updates, facebook, youtube etc. I don't know if I am willing to admit that I'm "addicted" to the internet, but I think most people who know me really well will tell you that I am, well, addicted to the internet. The only reason I'm hesitant to admit that myself is because for the 2 months I had with my first host family, when I would just spend an hour or two 3 days a week in the internet cafe, I was doing just fine. I'm a very adaptable person, and not having internet access wasn't too big of a challenge (like it should be if I'm really "addicted"). It was fairly easy for me to find other things to do. I had other ways to entertain myself, and I would spend the time that I would normally use to read blogs about the college football season and write on peoples facebook walls to instead hang out with my host family. The problem comes when the internet is easily accessible and available. That's when I have a hard time not doing anything else.

More than "martyring yourself" by living simply, I think the YAV program is about learning to play the hand that your dealt. Because of a situation largely out of my control, I've been dealt a hand that has put me in a living situation that's quite comfortable and in many ways, not too different from the one I was used to back in the good ol' U.S. of A . And instead of pouting about not being challenged with a scenario that pushes me further outside of my comfort zone, I need to be thankful for what I have. And I still have plenty of opportunities for personal growth. First off, I've been given the opportunity to be much more honest with myself, and in the process I've admitted the secretly selfish motives I had behind my supposedly self-less intentions. I also now have a wonderful opportunity to learn some self-discipline. If I really want to learn how to live simply and free myself from my mindless internet addiction, having to force MYSELF to learn how to moderate and optimize the time I spend online will go a lot further to this end than simply being forced to do so by outside circumstances.

I think that's about all for now. There will definitely be more blog entries to come about the details of my new family and the experiences I've had with them (I've been with them for nearly a month now). If you're curious about what exactly happened with my old host family, send me an email and I'll fill you in. Finally, my new address is:

... available on my facebook page! If you're friends with me on facebook, you can see it. If we're not "facebook friends" and you want my address, email me and I'll give it to you.

Christmas letters are welcome! Thanks for reading and keeping in touch. Please continue to keep me in your thoughts/prayers.